Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
