he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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