I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
