This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i think my cat just said my name.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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