wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize