And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
