Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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