We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
