The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
