All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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