you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
