did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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