he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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