I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
