They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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