I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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