His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
