So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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