it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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