If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
