Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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