So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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