I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
