Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
