take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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