If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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