so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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