Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
