My brain says no but my pants say off.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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