Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
