i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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