Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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