Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
