is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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