if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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