He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
