I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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