my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
