Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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