I didn't shave. On purpose
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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