I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
