party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
