New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
