I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
