Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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