Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
