I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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