All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
