i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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