Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
