im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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