Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
