I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
