My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
