That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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