I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think my mom watched the whole time
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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