If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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