can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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