no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
