her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize