A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
