If that was your dad, he is hot
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
