She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
