so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
