I just cut my nipple shaving
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
