Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i already hear my dad disowning me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wear drunk well.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
