So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
