My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
