Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.

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(269): View more from Michigan

its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"

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(303): View more from Colorado

He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.

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(409): View more from Texas

The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.

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(239): View more from Florida

No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.

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(415): View more from California

A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."

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(831): View more from California

Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I party with great urgency now.

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