I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
