There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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