I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Randomize
