We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
