3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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