take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
