Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize