I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
