call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize