dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
