I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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