It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
