i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
