New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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