As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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