it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
