my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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