I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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