Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
