They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
