i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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