the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
