toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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