i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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