someone threw a dead crab at me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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