I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
