dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
