I want to make a zoo with you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Randomize
