i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
