Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize