A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A+ Viking dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
